A drive-by art rec and a ficlet
Apr. 9th, 2012 05:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
therealsnapeWhen we were in Canterbury last year, we had lots of fun with hairpins.
No, nothing too kinky.
Just that I had to pin up our Minerva's black bun, and then, at the end of the ball,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
queen_of_snapes had to take all the pins out of cranky__crocus's spectacular long hair. And Queenie mentioned how the undoing Minerva's bun, hair tumbling over naked shoulders, whole thing being very sexy and, above all, easy (such a well-known fandom trope) couldn't be realistic at all, since the whole process was full of anxiety on the part of the unpinner and yelps on the part of the bun-owner.
Well,shadowycat made a drawing of the very moment. You'll find it here.
At the time, I even wrote a little ficlet about the hairpin thing. I never posted it, butshadowycat's lovely drawing reminded me of it so much, I decided to let you have a peek at it after all.
In the ficlet (I'm giving you the hairpin part of it) Rolanda, Minerva, and Poppy have a late-night drinking session with lots of gossip and stories. (No, you'll never get the full tale.)
At some point someone asks Minerva why she never does anything truly elaborate with her hair, and she says she always uses a simple binding spell. The girls feel there's more to it than that, and, with lavish amounts of liquor, bribe her into telling.
“It’s a very old story. From the days way back when, when Severus and I had a thing going – I told you about that?” Minerva starts. Poppy and Rolanda both nod, sip their glasses, and lean back to listen.
“Well, it all started with a Quidditch game. If Ravenclaw would win, they would play against Gryffindor in the House Cup Final. But if Hufflepuff would win, Gryffindor would play against Slytherin.”
“I remember that game!” Rolanda exclaims. “Hufflepuff had that wonderful seeker – the Abbots girl, what was her name again, and …”
“Never mind the game,” Poppy says. “The story. You and Severus had made a bet, of course.”
“We did. He proposed it – I was that certain Ravenclaw would win, I didn’t even suggest a bet. But he insisted. Said Hufflepuff would pull it off. And I had a pleasurable few days thinking up scenarios on how I would make him pay up. You know how we usually settled …”
Both friends nod. “And then Hufflepuff won,” Rolanda says gleefully. “And Severus could make you pay.”
“Quite. He came to my room that evening. Simply dashed in, gathered me up in his arms, and practically threw me on the bed. My dears, it was quite like a scene from one of those Muggle romances Charity used to read – you know what I mean? The ones with the handsome tall man clasping a half-fainting young woman to his pectorals? It’s what I told Severus, too. I said that I quite felt like one of those blushing maidens about to be ravished by a tall, dark stranger.”
“I’ve seen those books – did you ever read them? Do they have scenes like that?” Poppy wants to know.
“I’ve read one; I thought it was screamingly funny. Full of Throbbing Members and Cores of Womanhood. And yes, there was a scene where …”
“Never mind the book,” Rolanda interrupts. “He threw you on the bed, you said you wanted to be ravished, and then?
“Well, Severus, who always did mind the books – it’s what I liked about him – wanted to know whether they really contained the Muggle equivalent of phrases like With an expertly-executed swish-and-flick, the blushing virgin Vanished the hero’s clothes.”
“You mean you …”
“Well, yes. Of course I did. There’s only so much virginal blushing I can do. And then Severus felt that, in order to remain in style, he should rip a bodice. Only he wasn’t going to, for he had a strong feeling that those things are easier done in fiction than in reality, and that he would look a complete fool, tugging at my undies. So he just Vanished my clothes as well.
“But there was another trope he wanted to try, he said, and he ordered me to sit up. I obeyed – he had won, after all. I asked him what he wanted to do, and he said it was that thing about taking the pins from a woman’s hair and watch it tumble down over naked shoulders and breasts. And that one could be done by magic, he thought. So he waved his wand and Accio’ed the pins.”
“Oh Merlin, no. The idiot!” Poppy exclaims.
“Why idiot? It sounds like a marvellous idea,” Rolanda says.
“Because…” Poppy starts, touching her own bun. “No, it’s Minerva’s story. Go on. Poor Severus.”
“Poor Severus, indeed. It was a brilliant Accio, a perfect, textbook Accio. The pins flew out at once, straight at his body. All fifty-one of them. Did I mention I had Vanished his clothes?”
Slowly, the two friends process the image. As visualizing happens, mouths curl and shoulders start to shake. “My heart bleeds for him,” Poppy hiccups. “Was he actually wounded? No – he can’t have been; I never saw him in the Sick Ward. And I dare say I would have remembered. But you – wasn’t it awfully painful for you when the pins flew out?”
“It must have been,” Minerva muses. “But it happened so fast I had no time to think about it. And then Severus was frantically hopping around, while he tried to protect – with great presence of mind, I must say – his most … erm … vulnerable parts.”
“And you were quite overcome, of course. With emotion, I mean.”
“Exactly. I was … simply not in a position to say anything. Severus, on the other hand, was most vociferous. And quite unjust. He had no business calling me cruel, or wicked, or a one-woman death trap. After all, it was his idea. I thought he knew what he was doing. A slightly odd desire perhaps – but I like to think that I’m not in the least judgmental. Whatever gets you off…”
“And how did it end? What did he make you do after that?” Poppy inquired.
“He made me promise never to use hairpins again, that’s what.”
“And then? You’re not going to tell me he left it at that?”
“No, but you wanted the story of The Simple Binding Spell. That’s it. Story told. Refill, please.”
No, nothing too kinky.
Just that I had to pin up our Minerva's black bun, and then, at the end of the ball,
queen_of_snapes had to take all the pins out of cranky__crocus's spectacular long hair. And Queenie mentioned how the undoing Minerva's bun, hair tumbling over naked shoulders, whole thing being very sexy and, above all, easy (such a well-known fandom trope) couldn't be realistic at all, since the whole process was full of anxiety on the part of the unpinner and yelps on the part of the bun-owner. Well,
shadowycat made a drawing of the very moment. You'll find it here.At the time, I even wrote a little ficlet about the hairpin thing. I never posted it, but
shadowycat's lovely drawing reminded me of it so much, I decided to let you have a peek at it after all. In the ficlet (I'm giving you the hairpin part of it) Rolanda, Minerva, and Poppy have a late-night drinking session with lots of gossip and stories. (No, you'll never get the full tale.)
At some point someone asks Minerva why she never does anything truly elaborate with her hair, and she says she always uses a simple binding spell. The girls feel there's more to it than that, and, with lavish amounts of liquor, bribe her into telling.
“It’s a very old story. From the days way back when, when Severus and I had a thing going – I told you about that?” Minerva starts. Poppy and Rolanda both nod, sip their glasses, and lean back to listen.
“Well, it all started with a Quidditch game. If Ravenclaw would win, they would play against Gryffindor in the House Cup Final. But if Hufflepuff would win, Gryffindor would play against Slytherin.”
“I remember that game!” Rolanda exclaims. “Hufflepuff had that wonderful seeker – the Abbots girl, what was her name again, and …”
“Never mind the game,” Poppy says. “The story. You and Severus had made a bet, of course.”
“We did. He proposed it – I was that certain Ravenclaw would win, I didn’t even suggest a bet. But he insisted. Said Hufflepuff would pull it off. And I had a pleasurable few days thinking up scenarios on how I would make him pay up. You know how we usually settled …”
Both friends nod. “And then Hufflepuff won,” Rolanda says gleefully. “And Severus could make you pay.”
“Quite. He came to my room that evening. Simply dashed in, gathered me up in his arms, and practically threw me on the bed. My dears, it was quite like a scene from one of those Muggle romances Charity used to read – you know what I mean? The ones with the handsome tall man clasping a half-fainting young woman to his pectorals? It’s what I told Severus, too. I said that I quite felt like one of those blushing maidens about to be ravished by a tall, dark stranger.”
“I’ve seen those books – did you ever read them? Do they have scenes like that?” Poppy wants to know.
“I’ve read one; I thought it was screamingly funny. Full of Throbbing Members and Cores of Womanhood. And yes, there was a scene where …”
“Never mind the book,” Rolanda interrupts. “He threw you on the bed, you said you wanted to be ravished, and then?
“Well, Severus, who always did mind the books – it’s what I liked about him – wanted to know whether they really contained the Muggle equivalent of phrases like With an expertly-executed swish-and-flick, the blushing virgin Vanished the hero’s clothes.”
“You mean you …”
“Well, yes. Of course I did. There’s only so much virginal blushing I can do. And then Severus felt that, in order to remain in style, he should rip a bodice. Only he wasn’t going to, for he had a strong feeling that those things are easier done in fiction than in reality, and that he would look a complete fool, tugging at my undies. So he just Vanished my clothes as well.
“But there was another trope he wanted to try, he said, and he ordered me to sit up. I obeyed – he had won, after all. I asked him what he wanted to do, and he said it was that thing about taking the pins from a woman’s hair and watch it tumble down over naked shoulders and breasts. And that one could be done by magic, he thought. So he waved his wand and Accio’ed the pins.”
“Oh Merlin, no. The idiot!” Poppy exclaims.
“Why idiot? It sounds like a marvellous idea,” Rolanda says.
“Because…” Poppy starts, touching her own bun. “No, it’s Minerva’s story. Go on. Poor Severus.”
“Poor Severus, indeed. It was a brilliant Accio, a perfect, textbook Accio. The pins flew out at once, straight at his body. All fifty-one of them. Did I mention I had Vanished his clothes?”
Slowly, the two friends process the image. As visualizing happens, mouths curl and shoulders start to shake. “My heart bleeds for him,” Poppy hiccups. “Was he actually wounded? No – he can’t have been; I never saw him in the Sick Ward. And I dare say I would have remembered. But you – wasn’t it awfully painful for you when the pins flew out?”
“It must have been,” Minerva muses. “But it happened so fast I had no time to think about it. And then Severus was frantically hopping around, while he tried to protect – with great presence of mind, I must say – his most … erm … vulnerable parts.”
“And you were quite overcome, of course. With emotion, I mean.”
“Exactly. I was … simply not in a position to say anything. Severus, on the other hand, was most vociferous. And quite unjust. He had no business calling me cruel, or wicked, or a one-woman death trap. After all, it was his idea. I thought he knew what he was doing. A slightly odd desire perhaps – but I like to think that I’m not in the least judgmental. Whatever gets you off…”
“And how did it end? What did he make you do after that?” Poppy inquired.
“He made me promise never to use hairpins again, that’s what.”
“And then? You’re not going to tell me he left it at that?”
“No, but you wanted the story of The Simple Binding Spell. That’s it. Story told. Refill, please.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 04:10 pm (UTC)I love those three -- Poppy's and Rolanda's matter-of-fact reactions to Minerva's shocking confessions, and Rolanda's keen sense for what really matters (I wonder if Abbots went on to play professional.)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 04:16 pm (UTC)And I'm sure Severus's ankle was suitably decorated after the experience.
Love those three, too.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 04:27 pm (UTC)The proper way of course is to let the bun unravel on its own as things - progress...
L
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 09:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 05:16 pm (UTC)(btw, t'was I who did the pin removal on ball night, not Queenie, though there may well have been a few conversations about it after Kiwi and I joked about how hilariously not sexy the process was in general *g*)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 09:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 05:20 pm (UTC)Their academical interest in Muggle literature really is praiseworthy ;-)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 09:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 07:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 09:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 09:23 pm (UTC)Thanks for the first ever Snape story that made me enjoy visualising him naked.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-10 05:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-09 11:16 pm (UTC)"Well Reg, I suppose it all depends on what yer use' ter, so ter speak," Nigel replied sagely.
"What abou' the fence climbin'?"
"That were expedient necessity, not kink, Reg, auld spud. Though it did make me trousers a bit uncomfortable for a spell."
"The feastin' an' drinkin' then."
"Mere merrymakin'" Nigel assured him.
"Th' picture takin' an th' elocutions, not ter mention the electronical things, then?" Reg pressed his case.
Nigel cogitated.
"Ye has me there, Reg, auld sod. It would have rendered tha' televangelist fella comatose, I reckons," Nigel admitted.
"Shame 'e missed it."
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-10 06:01 am (UTC)"That were expedient necessity, not kink, Reg, auld spud. You've gotta love Nigel. Expedient necessity, indeed. Not that he isn't perfectly right.
Th' picture takin' an th' elocutions, not ter mention the electronical things, then?" Reg pressed his case. Reg has a point. Especially th'elocutions. And may I remind these two venerable gentlemen of the presence of two little house-breakers who went through, of all things, our lingerie? Now there's kink for you.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-10 01:09 am (UTC)And the visualizing. Oh, my, yes, the visualizing. Indeed.
I admit, I'm still a sucker for that tumbling-hair trope, realistic or not. But your version of it managed to be both realistic AND hot.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-10 06:04 am (UTC)And the trope is a lovely one. But whenever I read it now, I see those hairpins.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-11 04:35 am (UTC)I don't mean this to be kinky in the slightest, but if you ever see a stick in my hair, you are welcome to try pulling it out in the name of literary research.
(To prove its lack of kink in my life: my mother takes utmost delight in removing my sticks upon passing by, especially if I'm focused on a task.)
Just offering another way to keep your trope realistic! (For I'm sure not many of us could pull off realistic hotness from a pin problem in fic, the way Oh Snapely One managed to.)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-10 05:33 am (UTC)The notion of Severus attempting to re-enact a Muggle romance novel is just too delicious for words.
There's only so much virginal blushing I can do. Amen, sistah.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-10 06:06 am (UTC)Isn't Severus-the-Bodice-Ripper a delight?
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-10 06:27 am (UTC)Love those three telling tales. Wonderful story!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-11 06:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-11 04:21 am (UTC)(I might say, on my own behalf, that I did not yelp. (; I can't speak for Feather's anxiety levels, however.)
I keep thinking that there needs to be more widespread awareness of hair-sticks. For instance, I can put my hair up in a high, tight, stern-looking bun with one stick in under 30 seconds...and it can be undone in under 5 by someone merely pulling out the stick. A pencil does the trick easily enough! Or two sticks can be used, for some lovely symmetry. Minerva and her lovers should be informed of such things (though I prefer the thought of a binding spell; I should look into that myself).
Lovely art rec! And onto the ficlet. *Rubs hands together excitedly.*
“Hufflepuff had that wonderful seeker – the Abbots girl, what was her name again, and …”
*Grins.* Yes, I do love Rolanda's detail-oriented mind. And Poppy the matron, of course, would always have the Bigger Picture in mind.
“Never mind the book,” Rolanda interrupts.
Ahhah! So Rolanda has been ensnared! (Also, love the reference to those books. Throbbing Members indeed.) (I also enjoyed that Rolanda turned it from 'blushing maidens about to be ravished...' to 'you said you wanted to be ravished...' Very clever, Rolanda.)
There’s only so much virginal blushing I can do.
*Snerk.* Such an excellent line. And yes, practical of Severus to realise that ripping underthings isn't nearly as easy as it's made to look (unless one doesn't intend to rip the underthings--like, while putting them on--and then they can rip whenever they so choose).
“Because…” Poppy starts, touching her own bun. “No, it’s Minerva’s story. Go on. Poor Severus.”
Ahahahahahha. As a long-haired person, I am giggling my tips off (no typo).
The pins flew out at once, straight at his body. All fifty-one of them.
That number seemed familiar. "Believe it was something like 50 hairpins," I said, and so my eyebrows rose at 51. I checked my archive, lo and behold, Feather's nimble fingers removed 51 pins from my hair! Oh, Oso-Real-Snape, you have no idea how overjoyed I am to be included in a ficlet of yours in such a way. I think my heart is fair overflowing. Thank you! Additionally: Poor Severus! So relieved my pins didn't go pecking at Feather... Poor Minerva, too; that must have been a tug.
Severus, on the other hand, was most vociferous. And quite unjust. He had no business calling me cruel, or wicked, or a one-woman death trap.
Ahahaha! Glad to hear Minerva wasn't harmed - or doesn't recall feeling harmed - so once more teeheehee. And upon learning that Minerva's failed bets bit back, Severus vowed never to wager with her again...well, until the next time Slytherin was up to Quaffle, which would be all too soon.
“He made me promise never to use hairpins again, that’s what.”
Intelligent man - learning from his mistakes, I mean.
“No, but you wanted the story of The Simple Binding Spell. That’s it. Story told. Refill, please.”
*Grins.* Fantastic ending to a wonderfully hilarious - and all too accurate - story. Beautiful! Thank you for sharing!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-11 06:40 am (UTC)And of course you didn't yelp, dear. Huffledores are made of sterner stuff. But the line worked better with a yelp thrown in, and we Slytherins don't mind sacrificing someone's courage just to make our prose look better.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-20 05:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-15 09:48 am (UTC)No, you'll never get the full tale. *sob* How mean! But how good of you to let us have the hairpin part. And what a delightful part that is - I haven't had so much fandom fun in ages! ♥♥♥
My dears, it was quite like a scene from one of those Muggle romances Charity used to read – you know what I mean? The ones with the handsome tall man clasping a half-fainting young woman to his pectorals? It’s what I told Severus, too. I said that I quite felt like one of those blushing maidens about to be ravished by a tall, dark stranger.”
*mwahaha* - Minerva referring to a bodice ripper, and telling Severus that he is the hero! Priceless! :o))) (And Severus and pectorals? *snorts* ) And dearest Poppy - can she be that innocent? ;o) No teenage sins to confess-or-not? I love Minerva's take on it.
“Well, Severus, who always did mind the books – it’s what I liked about him – wanted to know whether they really contained the Muggle equivalent of phrases like With an expertly-executed swish-and-flick, the blushing virgin Vanished the hero’s clothes.”
Hahaha! I so would like to see the expression of his that goes with this question.
and that he would look a complete fool, tugging at my undies
Yees! *wipes tears of laughter out of eyes*
And then Severus was frantically hopping around, while he tried to protect – with great presence of mind, I must say – his most … erm … vulnerable parts.”
*screaming of laughter* That imagie is just bloody brilliant!
but I like to think that I’m not in the least judgmental. Whatever gets you off…”
*gnnn* *hahaha*
And how I envy Minerva for her hair. 51 pins! I used to have hair-to-my-bum and am again down to nearly shoulder blades, but I have so thin, slick, and little amount of hair, that any kind of pins simply slip out by themselves and even barettes don't really stay in. I would have been lost in the pre-elastic-era.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-15 03:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-15 03:56 pm (UTC)Hm, come to think of it, I have to confess that I cannot in true honesty claim to say "always" for this kind of phenomenon. I have read far too few books of the kind to make more than a moderately-informed guess. But having worked in a bookshop now and then, I can vouch for a sufficient amount of covers seen! ;o)
PS: Dear Professor, if you ever find yourself wanting to look at hair-to-the-bum (or nearly there), you're always welcome to take the elastics out of mine... even without pins, it falls down nicely.