Therealsnape

Title: The True Story of the Hogwarts Pantomime Players
Rating: PG-13
Word Count:8400
Characters and/or Pairings: Filius Flitwick, Horace Slughorn, Charity Burbage, Albus Dumbledore, with walk-ons (or waltz-ons) from assorted Hogwarts staff

Disclaimer: The first attempt at introducing a Christmas pantomime at Hogwarts, which took place under the headship of Professor Armando Dippet, has been described in Hermione Granger’s translation of The Tales of Beedle the Bard (Flourish and Blotts 2007, annotated for Muggles by J.K.Rowling, Bloomsbury, 2008). I have no intention of infringing on Ms Granger’s copyright. It is this performance to which Professor Dumbledore refers in his recollections.

Author's Notes: Written for hoggywartyxmas, when a prompt on the true story behind the Hogwarts Pantomime was most intriguing. Professor Dumbledore collaborated graciously, freely gave of his time and memories, and even allowed me to reproduce a few photographs from his private collection. The other teachers, however, were less willing. My requests met with winces, shudders, and, in the case of Professor Flitwick, gagging.

But in the end I managed to collect enough documentary evidence to piece together the events of September to December 1982.

I hope you at least will enjoy the story. Heaven knows none of the protagonists did.

( The True Story of the Hogwarts Pantomime Players )

This story was written for the wonderful minerva_fest. And there’s a very special surprise for all of you: the amazing jodel_from_aol has turned the Minerva McGonagall, Spinster Detective stories into one of her great Red Hen Publications projects.

So now there is a virtual book, downloadable (not to kindle, alas, but to your PC), which has a cover, beautiful page lay-outs, and illustrations. I can barely contain myself.

It looks absolutely amazing, and I'm tickled pink she was interested in my stories.

Go check it out at Red Hen Publications

Title: Minerva McGonagall and the Business of Ferrets
Prompt #: Minerva was not prompted to write this story. One might say she was driven.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 17K
Characters and/or Pairings: Minerva, Severus Snape, and assorted others. Listing them here would give away too much of the plot.
Summary: The kitchen burglaries by the ScAvengers seemed innocent at first; a mere teenage prank. But then Minerva and Severus realised they might have a far more sinister meaning.
Warnings: None
Author's Notes: kellychambliss did her usual magic as a beta and made this story so much better, as always.

( Minerva McGonagall and the Business of Ferrets Part 1 )

Title: The Case of the Cat Show Corruption
Author: Professor Minerva McGonagall, written for hoggywartyxmas
(edited by therealsnape)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 9700
Characters: Minerva McGonagall, Argus Filch, and others.
Summary: A crime has been committed against Mrs Norris. I investigate the case.
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I most certainly am the author of this story, and I resent the notion that Ms Rowling owns me. But I promise that I do not make any money from this, and that I have no intention of infringing on Ms Rowling’s copyright.

( The Case of the Cat Show Corruption )

Title: The Case of the Living Portrait
Rating: PG
Word Count: 10500
Characters and/or Pairings: Minerva McGonagall, several walk-ons, and the Portrait of Severus Snape
Summary: After the war, Harry insists on having Severus' portrait painted and put up in the Headmistress's office. However, the painting remains silent and unmoving. Minerva decides to investigate. What happens? This was the delightful prompt I got for the minerva_fest, and Minerva McGonagall, Spinster Detective is the result.
Warnings: None
Author's Notes: My heartfelt thanks to my wonderful beta kellychambliss, who kept Minerva's voice as it should be. Free of SPAG and inconsistencies.

( The Case of the Living Portrait )

Title: : Two Capable Women
Written for the 2013 edition of hp_beholder
Rating: : R
Pairings: : Irma Pince/Minerva McGonagall
Word Count: : 6700
Warnings/Content Information: My recipient, albalark told me to put in a warning for Motivational Jargon and PTSD triggers. I deeply apologise for the nervous twitching, simpering, and flashbacks I caused my dear friend.
Summary: : A great many dreadful things have befallen the Hogwarts staff over the years, but the motivational training by Wilberforce (Bertie) Arbuthnot counts among the worst. However, Irma and Minerva rise to the occasion with the fortitude one may expect of two very capable women.
Author's/Notes: : My thanks, as always, to my fabulous betas, kellychambliss and tetleythesecond . Not only for the many improvements they made to this story, but also for the courage with which they relived their worst Inspirational Speaker traumas and their generosity in allowing me to use them. Without their sufferings, this story couldn’t have been written.

( Two Capable Women )

Title: Humbug
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 7500
Characters and/or Pairings: Severus Snape, assorted walk-ons
Summary: Severus Snape has found the perfect Christmas gift for Minerva. He just has to deliver it.

I can hear my potential readers say, "Strewth. Over 7K for that?"
And they have a point, of course.

But, yes. 7K. For when the inmates of Hogwarts are on the prowl, the best-laid plans of gits and men gang oft agley.
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: All characters belong to JKR.
Author's Notes: When you start reading this story, you will find that some lines are actually not bad at all. Those are the ones I nicked from Dickens.

My fabulous beta, kellychambliss, was willing to work her usual magic on this tale, even though she loves A Christmas Carol in Prose as much as Minerva and rereads it annually, too.
It's proof of her generosity that she didn't hex me for this Snapely take on her favourite.

It's in a Pickwickian sense, dear; you knew that, didn't you?

( Humbug )

Title: A Story of Warnings and the Ignoring Thereof
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Irma Pince/Horace Slughorn
Word Count: 5800
Warnings/Content Information: none
Summary: Horace has a strange story to tell. A story that might even surprise his old friend Albus. A story involving Irma Pince. And then Albus had to go and die in that highly dramatic fashion. But Horace is not a man who lets a mere trifle like the Veil stop him. When he has a story to tell, he tells it.
Author's/Notes: My thanks, as always, to my fabulous beta kellychambliss. For many improvements, endless patience, and soothing my fevered brow during a particularly vicious attack of Writer’s Insecurity.

Originally written for hp_beholder, that most fabulous of fests.

( A Story of Warnings and the Ignoring Thereof )

Title: Time Remembered
Rating: none
Word Count: 8500
Characters and/or Pairings: Filius Flitwick and his fellow Heads of House
Summary: Now that Severus is Headmaster and the Carrows prowl around, is there any seasonal cheer to be had? Filius, for one, has no intention of cancelling Christmas.
Warnings: I’ve nicked a few ideas from Pottermore. And from Swinburne. And from Filius’s diary. But in between, there is a line or two of my own.
Disclaimer: JKR owns Harry Potter. And she’s welcome to Pottermore, too.
Author's Notes: Written for this year's hoggywartyxmas. I completely forgot to repost it, but here it is. With my heartfelt thanks to my wonderful betas, tetleythesecond and kellychambliss.

( Time Remembered )

Title: Carpe Diem
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Minerva McGonagall/Rolanda Hooch
Rating: NC-17
Summary Minerva dislikes fancy dress parties. But then Rolanda helps her find the right costume. And of course Minerva, perfectionist that she is, does nothing by halves.
Word Count: 7200
Warnings/Content: None.
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by JKR. Except Mr Mainwright, who has his own company that has been in the family for generations. He has no intention whatsoever to sell to Warner Bros.
Author's/Artist's notes: Thank you, kellychambliss, best of betas, for your invaluable help. As always, the story is much better because of your wise words. And thank you, shiv5468, for being so incredibly helpful with all sorts of britpicking questions.
This was originally written for samhain_smut. But now that I repost it, I can put in what I wanted to put then:
For tetleythesecond, whose enthusiasm for Berliner Bubis made me write this story. Thank you for the inspiration (and for much more), my dear.
( Carpe Diem )

Title: A Prewett Always Pays Her Debts
Author: therealsnape
Characters: Muriel Prewett, assorted others
Word Count: 4300
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Muriel Prewett never bets; she doesn’t know what came over her. The long and short of it is: she lost, and now she’s in trouble. But as Molly says, “A trouble shared is a trouble halved.”
Author's Notes: Many thanks to my wonderful beta, kellychambliss, whose insightful comments did so much to improve this story. It was originally written for HP football bets, so I may as well thank the Japanese team, without whose victory this story would never have been written.


( A Prewett Always Pays Her Debts )