therealsnape: (OLSB Poppy)
I'm an eager follower of The Austen Project, in which six famous, professional authors offer a new take on Austen's book. This summer [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss and I discussed the various books, and especially the recently-published Emma.

We were our usual critical selves, and then I thought it would be fun to try a re-write myself. The result you'll find below. It's my take on Emma and my entry for this year's [livejournal.com profile] minerva_fest.

[livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss, ardent Austonian and beta-reader extra-ordinaire, offered invaluable advice, as always. Thank you, dear, for improving my writing and for five glorious years of Minerva-centered works!

Title: Sense and Persuasion
Rating: PG
Word Count: 7900
Characters and/or Pairings: Minerva McGonagall, Poppy Pomfrey, Pomona Sprout, Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank, Augusta Longbottom. In due course, pairings will develop.
Summary: Poppy Pomfrey has all the best characteristics of Emma Woodhouse, and the wisdom that comes with age. So when she interferes, it isn’t meddling. Not at all.
Warnings: None.

Sense and Persuasion )
therealsnape: (snape default)
Title: The True Story of the Hogwarts Pantomime Players
Rating: PG-13
Word Count:8400
Characters and/or Pairings: Filius Flitwick, Horace Slughorn, Charity Burbage, Albus Dumbledore, with walk-ons (or waltz-ons) from assorted Hogwarts staff

Disclaimer: The first attempt at introducing a Christmas pantomime at Hogwarts, which took place under the headship of Professor Armando Dippet, has been described in Hermione Granger’s translation of The Tales of Beedle the Bard (Flourish and Blotts 2007, annotated for Muggles by J.K.Rowling, Bloomsbury, 2008). I have no intention of infringing on Ms Granger’s copyright. It is this performance to which Professor Dumbledore refers in his recollections.

Author's Notes: Written for [livejournal.com profile] hoggywartyxmas, when a prompt on the true story behind the Hogwarts Pantomime was most intriguing. Professor Dumbledore collaborated graciously, freely gave of his time and memories, and even allowed me to reproduce a few photographs from his private collection. The other teachers, however, were less willing. My requests met with winces, shudders, and, in the case of Professor Flitwick, gagging.

But in the end I managed to collect enough documentary evidence to piece together the events of September to December 1982.

I hope you at least will enjoy the story. Heaven knows none of the protagonists did.

The True Story of the Hogwarts Pantomime Players )
therealsnape: (MM Who? Me?)
Title: Minerva McGonagall and the Business of Ferrets
Prompt #: Minerva was not prompted to write this story. One might say she was driven.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 17K
Characters and/or Pairings: Minerva, Severus Snape, and assorted others. Listing them here would give away too much of the plot.
Summary: The kitchen burglaries by the ScAvengers seemed innocent at first; a mere teenage prank. But then Minerva and Severus realised they might have a far more sinister meaning.
Warnings: None
Author's Notes: [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss did her usual magic as a beta and made this story so much better, as always.

Part 1

Minerva McGonagall and the Business of Ferrets, Part 2 )
therealsnape: (MM Accio Plot)
This story was written for the wonderful [livejournal.com profile] minerva_fest. And there’s a very special surprise for all of you: the amazing [livejournal.com profile] jodel_from_aol has turned the Minerva McGonagall, Spinster Detective stories into one of her great Red Hen Publications projects.

So now there is a virtual book, downloadable (not to kindle, alas, but to your PC), which has a cover, beautiful page lay-outs, and illustrations. I can barely contain myself.

It looks absolutely amazing, and I'm tickled pink she was interested in my stories.

Go check it out at Red Hen Publications

Title: Minerva McGonagall and the Business of Ferrets
Prompt #: Minerva was not prompted to write this story. One might say she was driven.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 17K
Characters and/or Pairings: Minerva, Severus Snape, and assorted others. Listing them here would give away too much of the plot.
Summary: The kitchen burglaries by the ScAvengers seemed innocent at first; a mere teenage prank. But then Minerva and Severus realised they might have a far more sinister meaning.
Warnings: None
Author's Notes: [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss did her usual magic as a beta and made this story so much better, as always.

Minerva McGonagall and the Business of Ferrets Part 1 )
therealsnape: (OLSB Poppy)
This story was written as a gift for [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss in the [livejournal.com profile] rarepair_shorts summer wishlist. She posted her fabulous Kittyhawk story Battle-Axe, but had not received a gift yet. So I went through her giftlist - a pure formality, because I was very, very busy writing and plotting for [livejournal.com profile] minerva_fest.

And a few hours later I had written several hundred words of Pomona/Poppy, who had no business at all interrupting my fest writing. Kelly, in short, is a wicked temptress, and she got this tale for her sins.

Title: For Her Sins
Pairing: Poppy Pomfrey / Pomona Sprout
Request: summer hols
Rating: PG 13
Word Count: 2500 (sorry!)
Summary: Poppy never wanted to do it - her friends made her. It's all their fault. Well, nearly all.
Author's Notes: Poor Poppy isn't the only one to suffer like this.

Many thanks to my two lovely betas, [livejournal.com profile] miss_morland and [livejournal.com profile] lash_larue, who did their utmost to keep me on the grammatical straight-and-narrow and whose suggestions were invaluable.

For Her Sins )
therealsnape: (MM Who? Me?)
Title: The Case of the Cat Show Corruption
Author: Professor Minerva McGonagall, written for [livejournal.com profile] hoggywartyxmas
(edited by [livejournal.com profile] therealsnape)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 9700
Characters: Minerva McGonagall, Argus Filch, and others.
Summary: A crime has been committed against Mrs Norris. I investigate the case.
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I most certainly am the author of this story, and I resent the notion that Ms Rowling owns me. But I promise that I do not make any money from this, and that I have no intention of infringing on Ms Rowling’s copyright.

The Case of the Cat Show Corruption )
therealsnape: (MM Charge)
Here's another installment in the Minerva McGonagall, Spinster Detective series, written for the wonderful [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss to celebrate her fifth fandom anniversary.

This time, Minerva and Amelia join forces when strange things happen around Privet Drive, Little Whinging.

The Case of the Missing Kittens )
therealsnape: (snape default)
Title: The Case of the Living Portrait
Rating: PG
Word Count: 10500
Characters and/or Pairings: Minerva McGonagall, several walk-ons, and the Portrait of Severus Snape
Summary: After the war, Harry insists on having Severus' portrait painted and put up in the Headmistress's office. However, the painting remains silent and unmoving. Minerva decides to investigate. What happens? This was the delightful prompt I got for the [livejournal.com profile] minerva_fest, and Minerva McGonagall, Spinster Detective is the result.
Warnings: None
Author's Notes: My heartfelt thanks to my wonderful beta [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss, who kept Minerva's voice as it should be. Free of SPAG and inconsistencies.

The Case of the Living Portrait )
therealsnape: (snape default)
Title: The Best Exotic Muggle Hotel
Characters: Narcissa Malfoy / Fiona Zabini
Rating: PG-13.
Warnings: None.
Word Count: 7150
Summary: One has style. If nothing else, one still has style.
Author’s Notes: Many thanks to my wonderful beta, [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss, who has a great eye for style as well as for the nuts and bolts of a story, and who improves everything I write.

A special word of thanks to the flisty who regaled us all with her Ikea stories. Having you in my life means countless joys, of which an introduction to Swedish Balls is but one small part.

And many thanks to my dear flisties whose comments to my "I'm staying in a converted prison" post inspired this story. You are all guilty all contributed to this tale.

The Best Exotic Muggle Hotel )
therealsnape: (Irma / Minerva)
Title: : Two Capable Women
Written for the 2013 edition of [livejournal.com profile] hp_beholder
Rating: : R
Pairings: : Irma Pince/Minerva McGonagall
Word Count: : 6700
Warnings/Content Information: My recipient, [livejournal.com profile] albalark told me to put in a warning for Motivational Jargon and PTSD triggers. I deeply apologise for the nervous twitching, simpering, and flashbacks I caused my dear friend.
Summary: : A great many dreadful things have befallen the Hogwarts staff over the years, but the motivational training by Wilberforce (Bertie) Arbuthnot counts among the worst. However, Irma and Minerva rise to the occasion with the fortitude one may expect of two very capable women.
Author's/Notes: : My thanks, as always, to my fabulous betas, [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss and [livejournal.com profile] tetleythesecond . Not only for the many improvements they made to this story, but also for the courage with which they relived their worst Inspirational Speaker traumas and their generosity in allowing me to use them. Without their sufferings, this story couldn’t have been written.

Two Capable Women )
therealsnape: (snape default)
Title: Hunting the Unicorn, originally written for the fabulous [livejournal.com profile] minerva_fest.
Prompt: One of those stories in which we know where it's going -- toward sex and romance -- so the fun comes in seeing how it gets there. Premise: Minerva's a widow or a contented spinster who's never thought about being interested in women; Wilhelmina's a dyke, but, having been burned in her youth, she now has a strict "no straight women" policy. And yet, of course, they fall for each other anyway.
Rating: a very mild R
Word Count: 10K
Characters and/or Pairings: Minerva McGonagall/Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank
Summary: During her convalescense after the Stunner attack, Minerva enjoys a little light reading, i.e. a scholarly study on Unicorn lore. The tapestries of The Lady and the Unicorn lead to a most interesting hypothesis on love and the five senses. One that Minerva examines with her usual scholarly precision.
Warnings: None

Many thanks to my beta [livejournal.com profile] tetleythesecond for hand-holding, cheer-leading, and generally being beyond wonderful.

Hunting the Unicorn )
therealsnape: (snape default)
Title: Humbug
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 7500
Characters and/or Pairings: Severus Snape, assorted walk-ons
Summary: Severus Snape has found the perfect Christmas gift for Minerva. He just has to deliver it.

I can hear my potential readers say, "Strewth. Over 7K for that?"
And they have a point, of course.

But, yes. 7K. For when the inmates of Hogwarts are on the prowl, the best-laid plans of gits and men gang oft agley.
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: All characters belong to JKR.
Author's Notes: When you start reading this story, you will find that some lines are actually not bad at all. Those are the ones I nicked from Dickens.

My fabulous beta, [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss, was willing to work her usual magic on this tale, even though she loves A Christmas Carol in Prose as much as Minerva and rereads it annually, too.
It's proof of her generosity that she didn't hex me for this Snapely take on her favourite.

It's in a Pickwickian sense, dear; you knew that, didn't you?

Humbug )
therealsnape: (OLSB Rita)
Title: Cocktail Time
Characters: Rita Skeeter, Gilderoy Lockheart
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Word Count: 10K

Author's Notes: When Rita Skeeter was absent from the public scene, following the horrific events at the Triwizard Tournament, speculation was rife. It has been suggested she had a passionate love affair (she’s had many, but they didn’t stop her from writing). Or that she suffered from Writer’s Block (Rita? Really?). Evil tongues even suggested Harry Potter stopped her from publishing. (As if. It was Potter who begged her to return to interview him for the Quibbler.)

Truth is, Rita Skeeter took a sabbatical to write a new book: Cocktail Time, the frank, outspoken account of her years with Gilderoy. The wonderful [livejournal.com profile] hp_friendship had the courage to publish this groundbreaking work on their fest. Rita also wants to thank her fabulous editor [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss for all her hard work. Rita's writing just wouldn't be the same without you, darling. And many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] featherxquill, who was quite simply a wonderful inspiration.



Cocktail Time )
therealsnape: (Default)
Title: A Story of Warnings and the Ignoring Thereof
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Irma Pince/Horace Slughorn
Word Count: 5800
Warnings/Content Information: none
Summary: Horace has a strange story to tell. A story that might even surprise his old friend Albus. A story involving Irma Pince. And then Albus had to go and die in that highly dramatic fashion. But Horace is not a man who lets a mere trifle like the Veil stop him. When he has a story to tell, he tells it.
Author's/Notes: My thanks, as always, to my fabulous beta [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss. For many improvements, endless patience, and soothing my fevered brow during a particularly vicious attack of Writer’s Insecurity.

Originally written for [livejournal.com profile] hp_beholder, that most fabulous of fests.

A Story of Warnings and the Ignoring Thereof )
therealsnape: (OLSB McGonagall)
Title:: Half-Term Saturday
Pairing: Minerva McGonagall/Narcissa Malfoy
Rating: NC-17
Author's Notes: Originally written for [livejournal.com profile] dysfuncentine. My delectable prompt contained: 1950s AU, magical or not. Prim schoolmarm and upper-class mother get together in a constellation worthy of a lesbian pulp novel. Throw a taboo-less Quidditch or lacrosse player into the party or Lucius into the swimming pool for added drama. In short: give us the penetrating story of a scandalous affair, told with unblushing honesty!
And, as always, a thousand thanks to [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss, who did her magic as a beta and made the story much more enjoyable.
Content Information/Warnings: See prompt. Also: Draco gets a whole scene.
Summary: See prompt.
Disclaimer The plotline (or a large part of it) is Enid Blyton’s. The characters are JK Rowling’s. The perverted mind that wanted to combine these wholesome children’s universes with a lesbian pulp novel is [livejournal.com profile] tetleythesecond’s. Don’t blame the typist.

Half-Term Saturday )
therealsnape: (Default)
Title: Time Remembered
Rating: none
Word Count: 8500
Characters and/or Pairings: Filius Flitwick and his fellow Heads of House
Summary: Now that Severus is Headmaster and the Carrows prowl around, is there any seasonal cheer to be had? Filius, for one, has no intention of cancelling Christmas.
Warnings: I’ve nicked a few ideas from Pottermore. And from Swinburne. And from Filius’s diary. But in between, there is a line or two of my own.
Disclaimer: JKR owns Harry Potter. And she’s welcome to Pottermore, too.
Author's Notes: Written for this year's [livejournal.com profile] hoggywartyxmas. I completely forgot to repost it, but here it is. With my heartfelt thanks to my wonderful betas, [livejournal.com profile] tetleythesecond and [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss.

Time Remembered )
therealsnape: (Default)
Title: Time Remembered
Rating: none
Word Count: 8500
Characters and/or Pairings: Filius Flitwick and his fellow Heads of House
Summary: Now that Severus is Headmaster and the Carrows prowl around, is there any seasonal cheer to be had? Filius, for one, has no intention of cancelling Christmas.
Warnings: I’ve nicked a few ideas from Pottermore. And from Swinburne. And from Filius’s diary. But in between, there is a line or two of my own.
Disclaimer: JKR owns Harry Potter. And she’s welcome to Pottermore, too.
Author's Notes: Written for this year's [livejournal.com profile] hoggywartyxmas. I completely forgot to repost it, but here it is. With my heartfelt thanks to my wonderful betas, [livejournal.com profile] tetleythesecond and [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss.

Time Remembered )
therealsnape: (Kittyhawk black and white)
Title: Carpe Diem
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Minerva McGonagall/Rolanda Hooch
Rating: NC-17
Summary Minerva dislikes fancy dress parties. But then Rolanda helps her find the right costume. And of course Minerva, perfectionist that she is, does nothing by halves.
Word Count: 7200
Warnings/Content: None.
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by JKR. Except Mr Mainwright, who has his own company that has been in the family for generations. He has no intention whatsoever to sell to Warner Bros.
Author's/Artist's notes: Thank you, [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss, best of betas, for your invaluable help. As always, the story is much better because of your wise words. And thank you, [livejournal.com profile] shiv5468, for being so incredibly helpful with all sorts of britpicking questions.
This was originally written for [livejournal.com profile] samhain_smut. But now that I repost it, I can put in what I wanted to put then:
For [livejournal.com profile] tetleythesecond, whose enthusiasm for Berliner Bubis made me write this story. Thank you for the inspiration (and for much more), my dear.
Carpe Diem )
therealsnape: (Kittyhawk black and white)
Title: Carpe Diem
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Minerva McGonagall/Rolanda Hooch
Rating: NC-17
Summary Minerva dislikes fancy dress parties. But then Rolanda helps her find the right costume. And of course Minerva, perfectionist that she is, does nothing by halves.
Word Count: 7200
Warnings/Content: None.
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by JKR. Except Mr Mainwright, who has his own company that has been in the family for generations. He has no intention whatsoever to sell to Warner Bros.
Author's/Artist's notes: Thank you, [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss, best of betas, for your invaluable help. As always, the story is much better because of your wise words. And thank you, [livejournal.com profile] shiv5468, for being so incredibly helpful with all sorts of britpicking questions.
This was originally written for [livejournal.com profile] samhain_smut. But now that I repost it, I can put in what I wanted to put then:
For [livejournal.com profile] tetleythesecond, whose enthusiasm for Berliner Bubis made me write this story. Thank you for the inspiration (and for much more), my dear.
Carpe Diem )
therealsnape: (Muriel)
Title: A Prewett Always Pays Her Debts
Author: [livejournal.com profile] therealsnape
Characters: Muriel Prewett, assorted others
Word Count: 4300
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Muriel Prewett never bets; she doesn’t know what came over her. The long and short of it is: she lost, and now she’s in trouble. But as Molly says, “A trouble shared is a trouble halved.”
Author's Notes: Many thanks to my wonderful beta, [livejournal.com profile] kellychambliss, whose insightful comments did so much to improve this story. It was originally written for HP football bets, so I may as well thank the Japanese team, without whose victory this story would never have been written.


A Prewett Always Pays Her Debts )

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